Rejuvenate Your Dish Disaster

Hahahaha, So how many times have we taken up a new recipe excited to try it, gone to the ends of our towns/cities /(in my case) islands to get the perfect ingredients even if it means burning hundreds of dollars in gas to collect the bounty, then returned to our kitchens barely able to contain ourselves as we hunker down to get this fantabulous concoction going.

Half way through the process, everything is going well, you have followed the recipe to the T and you prepare to start that final process of baking, cooking or doing whatever it is to achieve the final product of that food porn plastered on your computer screen, I-phone, Blackberry or cookbook. Nothing could possibly go wrong this time, except when you remove your pan from the oven or remove the pot lid or mix everything together, something looks  more than a little off. But in the high hopes and with the conviction that you did exactly as they said, you continue to follow the instructions, timing every second  and scrutinizing the amount of every ingredient left as you near the end of the process. It looks really wrong but it will magically turn out just as they said. After all, you could only  do better if you were counting salt grains and using a digital laboratory scale.

Finally on the very last step, as the cake cools, as the cream freezes or as the pot nears its last minute of cooking time, you heart sinks down a very slippery slope into the well of disappointment. This would be no problem if you hadn’t promised it to your aunt for her birthday or had 20 minutes till your dinner party guests arrived ….. or… posted your recipe plans for dinner on your blog/twitter/facebook, while promising pictures. Now your heart sinks down that even more slippery slope into depressed panic.

What the hell do you do?

Ah well… rejuvenation surgery followed with a smile.

No you can’t change the look of your dish. Taste it first. 8 times out of 10 it tastes great. If it is one of those 8 times, continue with surgery as planned. Think of the next closest thing  that your dish may look like. The hidden clue to having  happy campers is to give them what they expect. In other words, don’t say you are preparing cheese cake that is more like a cream crumble, don’t tell them you made cake that is tough like a bread, and don’t make them stir fry that looks more like a soup. If you tell them it is a cream crumble, then they will love your cream crumble, If you tell them its a thick soup, then they will certainly beg you the recipe. Give them what they expect. So heck instead of grilled chicken, it was crispy chicken you did.  Call it something nice like banana creme pudding or  bake it and call it a casserole.  If you need it to sound fancy, translate the name to french or Italian as suggested by Melissa Clark  this New York Times article. Now,do whatever you need to do to make the recipe in tune with your name change, whether it means adding a few more ingredients or throwing together a complimentary dish. Surgery a success! They will love it!

This, of course, is under the premise that you followed the first rule: Do not EVER share the recipe before you prepare it. If not, you have a whole lot of explaining to do. But irregardless of whatever happens, a meal, snack, desert or pastry always tastes better when delivered with a smile. Seal the deal with your smile. It’ll make your recipe (not the one they gave you) a success and your efforts worth it.

Get out there and make some recipes and send me the pics, food porn or not.